So I’ve been told to update my blog. Haven’t done it in ages as I’m just to damn lazy! Now that’s honesty for you.

All’s going well on the pregnancy front. 6 weeks to go till the c section. Can’t wait. Well I can, but I can’t. I still have no nursery furniture, haven’t got a pram, haven’t packed my bags for hospital. Haven’t washed baby’s stuff yet. Nothing nada fokkol!! Talk about leaving things to the last minute. I’m just to damn tired on the weekends. Just wanna sleep. So I do. Maybe this weekend I should start pulling myself towards myself and doing something about it.

Anyway, that’s my update. Hope it was sufficient. Oh by the by. The stunning pic is compliments of Kandis. Thanks bokkie, you’re really good at taking photo’s.

What the hell is wrong with me? I’ve been so emotional over the past few days it’s crazy. I cry when Alan hugs me. I cry when someone shouts at me. I even cried when Adam on Idols sang the other night. I can’t handle this anymore. I can’t even function properly at work. I look at my boss with hate. Probably cause we all hate him every now and then. More now than then. But still. This is not like me and I don’t like it. What makes it worse is that it feels like I’m always moaning. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. Someone should have seriously told me that it’s like this when you’re pregnant. Will seriously rethink having that second child! Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not being ungrateful, it’s just seriously bad. To add to it for the past few days I’ve had this threatening tummy bug and it now looks like it’s here in full force. Sorry for you Nicky, there is nothing you can take.

Wow, it’s been ages hey. First it was Christmas then there was a little new years surprise. I’ve been too scared to say anything here as I didn’t want to jinx anything. But I can share now. I’m well and truly safe. I’m 21 weeks pregnant. Next week I’ll be 6 months. Can’t believe how time has flown. It’s been a rough 6 months though. Spotting and bed rest more spotting. But all seems to have settled nicely. We’re not gonna find out what it is. We want it to be a surprise.

So we went to the Fetal Assessment Clinic on Monday. I love those scans. We got her to take a picture of the genitals and put it in a sealed envelope so that we could at least have a picture of the parts for the baby’s scrapbook. Obviously I just want to open the damn thing but Alan and I have both signed the back of it so that we will know if one of us has. Just a few more weeks then we’ll know right! Anyway back to the scan. Our beautiful child is now measuring in at 24.5cm and weights 430g. All is healthy too. No holes in the heart. No water on the brain. Everything is hundreds.

Can’t believe that we’re finally here. After all we’ve been through. We’re now ordering cots, checking out prams, bed is booked at the hospital. I’ve even booked our antenatal classes. We’re gonna be parents.

I'm feeling a bit cross with myself for posting the below. But please to everyone reading this it was not meant for anyone in specific and I'm not here to hurt peoples feelings. I guess, just accept it as it is... My feelings.

Just a thought

Okay, so only my fellow infertile buddies will understand and also know exactly what I’m on about. Everyone else will probably just take this personally. Tough… this is my blog!

Don’t you just love it when people become all sensitive because you don’t want to be around their children all the time! Almost like you don’t care about them enough to want to see them every single day. It’s your child, raise it, why should I take on that responsibility? I don’t want to talk about babies 24/7. I don’t want to hear about all the cute things they are getting up to all the time. Don’t get me wrong I do indulge and I do love the updates. Here’s what I think I’m getting at. There are 5 adults sitting in a lounge and one baby on the lounge floor playing. 90% of the conversation will be about that child. “Look, she’s trying to pick up a block” “Aw, look she just blinked” “Don’t you just love it when they blink” “I remember when my child….” – BORING people. And I’m not saying that we should all talk about world economics or global warming or the financial dilemma this world is facing.

Now talking about babies and talking about trying to have a baby is two very different things. And I can understand that some people, okay most people get bored with my conversation too. But I don’t get all sensitive when you don’t want to see me all the time because of it. I’ve lost 3 babies and do you honestly think that I really want to talk about stuff like that ??????? well yes but not for hours on end!!!

Tit bits

Oh my word. Blogging really has taken the back burner for a while now. Just haven’t had time really. Plus I’ve also been off work due to a fantastic stomach bug. Not complaining though. Lost 2kg’s in 2 days from it, and I still haven’t picked it up!! Goodie!!!

I can’t believe it’s almost Christmas time. I’ve almost finished my Christmas shopping. Just one more pressie left to buy. Only buying for the kids this year. So that makes it a really cheap Christmas (haha – says me – hubby is buying a TV cabernet, plasma and surround sound – grand total … don’t want to scare you all so i'm let to add my bit too) as there are only 3 kiddies to buy for in CT, my two god kids and my cousins little girl. But girls are so easy to buy for so that should be easy enough to come up with a great idea.
On the Christmas note. I found that wonderful tree that I was looking for and as you’ve guessed it’s up. Well it’s been up since about 15 November but hey, it was new and I had to put it up then. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!!!

On Saturday past we went to our god kids Christmas concert. It was so so sweet. I cried my eyes out when they were on stage. I was so so proud. They were very cute. Even though the little one (18 months) didn’t do anything except stand there and look at everyone, I was so proud. Felt like shouting from the roof tops saying “that’s my godson”.

And you know those Baby of Board signs you get for your car?? You know the yellow ones. Well I bought a Maltese Poodle on Board one. Figured seen as though I wasn’t gonna be getting a Baby on Board sticker in the near future I may as well have one with Poodle on Board – besides she is my baby princess dog!!!

I will be a good mother

There are women that become mothers without effort,
without thought, without patience or loss and though
they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money
or that I have read more books but because I have
struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have
appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the
sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him
and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another
pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense that God has given me this insight,
this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to,
I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor,
friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body.
I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time,
I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their
pain in order to save myself discomfort.
I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.
I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine,
of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard.
I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes, I will be a wonderful mother. ~Author Unknown